During last night’s improvisational music and dance concert, a goat somehow emerged on stage, causing some confusion amongst the performers but not the audience.
“I had no idea what the fuck was going on. We hadn’t discussed this at all,” one disgruntled performer stated. “It just leapt on stage and ran into a music stand, which fell over and hit my oboe.”
While other musicians and performers on stage expressed anger at the goat’s bleating and eventual defecation, some members of the audience felt that the release of the goat enhanced the entire night.
“It was so beautiful. I just saw the message the artists were giving so clearly— the message about the cruel treatment of animals in society,” one Lawrentian, who had just taken a class on interpretive dance through an environmental perspective, stated. Though our sources tried further questioning this student on her opinion of the concert, she slowly turned away and absentmindedly mumbled something about having an appointment behind Trever Hall.
Flora Whispers, the coordinator of the event, expressed some concern about where the goat came from.
“The goat just clacked up onto stage, which reminded me of a dream I had during the last lunar cycle. I thought the goat was a sign, but I have no idea if it descended from the shining fields of green grass or if it came from the audience.”
While the goat has inspired anger, beauty, and mystery, for some, it was also “damn funny.”
“Got me rollin’ in my seat in the back,” Charlie Norton told us in a thick Boston accent. “I had to be here for my niece’s graduation, and she was dancing in this joke,” he explained. “Yeah I tell you what, the goat takin’ a dump on stage was the most real and least bullshit part of the concert.”
Sources later reported that after interviewing all fifty audience members, Mr. Charlie Norton was the only one who realized that the goat was not supposed to be there, demonstrating the true value of higher education.
— Sydney DeMets