Victoria’s Secret’s new spring line made a splash with their release of the “Dream Bra,” designed to push your breasts into the exact size and shape your boyfriend wants to see. With the innovative quadruple underwire design and not-adjustable chain mail straps, this bra ensures that those unsightly mammalian glans hanging from your chest are cinched into an unrecognizable but otherwise flawless shape. It doesn’t matter what bra-size you are— this bra is a one size fits all and will ensure that your boobs look just like those that grace the chests of our Angels. So give your boyfriend what he really is looking for this spring—a rack to look at and brag about, since in the end, making your boyfriend happy is what really counts.
— Sydney DeMets